Anti depressants are apparently one of the most commonly prescribed drugs of our time. I am aware in my own personal experiences that a lot of people see medication as the last resort when dealing with depression and anxiety. For me they have become an essential part of managing and stabilising my recurrent depression, anxiety and panic disorder. I have been living with these things for over ten years and during that time I have attempted to live without the assistance of medication. I have a wonderful psychologist and GP, supportive family and friends and there are things such as yoga, exercise, meditation and CBT that have all helped me - none of these things allow me to live a full life however. Depression, anxiety and panic are debilitating - I am not going to sugar coat my experience. It is almost impossible for me to articulate their impact in the written or spoken word, and I have tried many times. I am not ashamed to admit that I need my medication, it is an adjunct to the counselling, the exercise, the yoga, the meditation, the nourishing food and the nourishing people around me. As I mentioned in my last post I am in the midst of a medication change whilst under the care of a wonderful Psychiatry Professor at the Royal Hospital for Women in Randwick. Since I first booked in to have Byron at the hospital they have identified my high risk of post natal depression and monitored me closely. The care they have shown has given me a real sense of security throughout my pregnancy, Byron's birth and now in this difficult post natal period. It has been 2.5 weeks since weaning from the SSRI that has been keeping me stable for more than 5 years and switching to an older anti depressant better suited to my current situation. I must admit that it has been one of the most challenging times of my life and it has only been over the last few days that I have started to feel some relief. It is not my intention to spread my depression throughout the lives of others on the www. by sharing, I hope that the telling of my experience although raw, is also uplifting. I suspect that over the coming days I will start to regain some of my energy, my drive and the essence of ME - that is what the medication does for me, it steals back the essence of ME from that force we call depression.
My dearest Lisa, share, share, share. For you and for so many women and men out there feeling just as you have, and do, in all the range of doses that depression and anxiety can inflict us. My mum has dealt with depression and anxiety her whole life and I wish she had been understood, diagnosed, learnt to manage it, at least in part, before it closed a curtain so heavy on her that too many times it was too difficult a process to muster the energy to pull the curtains open. I grieve for the positive experiences this potentially robbed her of. You are such a beautiful wonderful woman and this is why you need to share. Because it is ALL around us. And those in the midst of it or in the middle of trying to manage it or with memories too close of it, need to know they're not alone. It happens to the very best of us. I'm sorry for such a long response. But I was really really touched by your ability share what is obviously often too difficult to explain or share or put in to words. And you did it with honesty. Hoping the transition is really starting to smooth out for you. Can't wait to see you and that hunk of spunk boy of yours next week xxxxx
ReplyDeleteDear Lisa, My god you are such an amazing woman, It take so much strength to open up about such a personal thing. May you keep getting better each day I will reading and and cheering you on. xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteHi Lisa
ReplyDeleteI've just become your newest follower. Bravo on writing this post. It took some courage, I'm sure.
You might like to read mine at http://www.lifeonplanetbaby.com/2010/11/my-life-with-3-children-under-5-and.html.
Know you're not alone!
J x