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I know, I know...stating the bleeding obvious. Funnily though it has only just become hard for me. My precious little man is about to turn 3 years old and even though the majority of those 3 years have been single parenting, it has actually never been really hard.
Even with the added challenge of my own depression and anxiety, I have been blessed with a happy, spirited, independent child who has not caused me any real trouble besides the usual toddler sleep issues...until now. It is time for me to admit that I am struggling a little, things are quite hard and hopefully by admitting this I am taking the first step towards turning things around.
It does not escape me that the version of hard I am experiencing does not compare to the versions of those in my last post about heroes. In fact I am hesitant to share my version of hard because it just seems insignificant when compared to some of the situations other parents find themselves in. Of course it is a little relative as well, we are only given what we can handle in life and as human beings we have a rather remarkable ability to step up and face our own challenges.
It has been almost a week of very angry, very personal and very passionate behaviour from my little man. Of course I tell myself that he is not even 3 years old yet so his behaviour cannot be compared to that nor judged against that of an adult. This does not diminish the pain of having my precious little soul tell me that he does not like me repeatedly. Backed up by the aggression and the defiance it drives a sharp and brutal knife into my heart!!
So this is the beginning of my own little journey to discover the source of his anger, communicate as best I can with him and behave in the most calm, loving and accepting way possible so that he knows I am here and listening. It is such a tricky thing to try and get inside the head of a toddler, to not let his words cause me too much pain and to work out what the heck is going on!
My little man and I have been a team of two for most of his life, with his Daddy in his other home and lots of love between the two houses. Recently our life has changed quite dramatically with my manifestation of the BIG love (more on that coming soon by the way!) so I have a sneaking suspicion that he is reacting to our new normal and the sharing of his Mamma!!
To be continued...
He's just a toddler! No point trying to analyse the source of his anger. It's necessary for him to throw himself at the world (which is you), test your love and make sure that, no matter how ghastly he is, you'll still be there.
ReplyDeleteHaving a distracting other around is going to make things interesting (also because it diverts your energies), but I have yet to meet a toddler that was anything other than a mass of rage and tantrums from ages two to four. You must never take it personally (again, don't try to get inside his head, you'll just beat yourself up for no good reason). He's got to do this stuff, to see where he fits in the world (and should come out the other side with a clear sense that he's not always first).
And you will be there for him. With nice firm boundaries about what is unacceptable and endless reserves of patience so you don't lose it on the really hard days. A safe room you can walk away from helps.
Toddler survival questions: Are you fed? Watered? Toileted? Free of injuries? All safe? Then cry your little heart out baby (and don't be mean to mama).
Congratulations on the new love, keep going, it will all settle.