SPACE FOR A HEADER PICTURE

SPACE FOR A HEADER PICTURE

BIG love, betrayal and relationship assignments

5.3.13





Let me preface this post with something I have learned about forgiveness. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that the betrayal or the hurt we have experienced was OK. Forgiveness does not excuse the other person or their behaviour. Forgiveness, acceptance and learning the lessons can however take us to a level that transcends the unforgivable behaviour.




Digging deep today! This post has been a few months in the making, churning around in my mind alongside my healing and the process of acceptance. Acceptance of another relationship assignment, the opportunity for more growth and lessons learned now rather than later! Besides all of this soul loveliness has been the raw and gut turning loss, the loss of a potential soul partner and rich new extended family. The loss for my precious little man whose beautiful new siblings have simply vanished.

Love is even more complicated when families blend. Broken hearts are multiplied and the potential for damage is greater. It turns out that the BIG love has ended up in BIG betrayal, something I did not see coming. Not because love is blind, simply because I am trusting, compassionate and always see the good in people. Something I am not planning on changing.

I accept that this was another assignment, another chance for me to embrace my own wholeness and share more of the learnings. It's OK to be single, being on my own is an experience that I treasure. It is sacred time, filled with meaning and intention. I am not interested in filling a gap, reaching a milestone or ticking a box. My life is rich with blessing, intense love and abundant hope. 

Every relationship is a divine assignment, switching my mindset thanks to Gab Bernstein, this changed things for me. Yes I have had my fair share of relationships, marriage proposals, rejections, tough decisions to walk away; and countless romantic encounters. I have learned to stop myself comparing my relationship status with others though. If marriage and 2.5 children is your version of extraordinary then there is no way I am going to judge that! My version of extraordinary is a little different and that is perfectly fine.

My life is not about waiting for the perfect man, the perfect relationship, the right time, the right circumstances. It is about making the most of every moment I am blessed with, reflecting on the huge loss of my past and living a life that is informed and not defined by that. Losing my Mother, becoming a Carer and dealing with brain injury and cancer the way that I did from the age of 16 changed me. It gave me the ability to see beyond just waiting, living with low expectations and settling for less than that which lights me up.

So for now I continue on my healing journey, slowly restoring my energy and wellbeing after some of the darkest months of late.  Holding onto bitter or angry feelings is like holding onto a grenade that you hope to one day hurl at that awful person, the only problem is that you are the one who is going to get hurt! Letting it go, knowing that I have ultimately made the right decision to walk away from someone who has their own issues to live with, that is forgiveness. It is about forgiving myself for giving, loving and learning rather than holding back and playing it safe. 

13 comments:

  1. Goodness - You are a very brave woman with great strength. It's hard to find the happiness within ourselves rather than rely on others to create it for us. You're doing great pretty lady - to write those words is sometimes the best way to release and often the hardest thing to do.
    Xoxoxoxo

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    1. Michelle you beautiful soul xx BIG gratitude, for your kind words and wisdom!

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  2. You write beautifully Lisa x

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    1. So kind, love to hear this, thank you Alison xx

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  3. So beautifully articulated as always Lisa. Informed but not DEFINED by the losses of the past... Absolutely totally could not agree more xxxx

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  4. Beautifully written Lisa. You truly do share so deeply and for that a lot of people will find inspiration and connectedness.
    Your blog is such a calm yet raw place.
    Sending you MUCH love xx

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  5. Dear Lisa, sounds like you have been going through a tough time lately and with a broken heart. I know it will not break your spirit, I just wish you hadn't had to go through it. But like you say sometimes there are lessons and things we need to work through and we can't often be the judge of why we just have to do what we can moment to moment.
    Your stand in forgiveness is the healing way to go and I wish you well
    Love and light kat xox

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  6. So true and so beautiful written!
    Wishing you all the best!

    Best regards from a BYW-colleague, Bine ;-)

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    1. Bine you are so lovely, thank you xx

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  7. Anonymous7.3.13

    Wow. I too was betrayed by my ex. I too was trusting, compassionate and saw the good in him. His behavior taught me that "when people show you who they are, believe them" (Maya Angelou- a favourite bit of wisdom). Before his betrayal he had already disappointed me and let me down, but I was too kind to him. I wish you great love in the future! I found my real big love a few years later!

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    1. Betrayal may crack our spirit, ultimately it builds our wisdom...belief in a love filled future, thank you for inspiring this in me xx

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  8. Anonymous13.3.13

    This is very sad news. I do hope you are looking after yourself (I am sure you are), and I know you are looking out for your grandmother and family, but you must be hurting so hard right now. Lots of dreams crushed, lots of hopes, and the trashing of bonds with young people. So sorry.

    You will love and trust again, that is your nature, and you are blessed to be that. His failings are not yours. I have learned, after too many relationship assignments like yours, and a few attempts at blending families, to make some small changes in my approach to love. The first was to hold my heart in my chest and force myself to take time. The second was to start the relationship without our children present, for our sake and theirs. The third was to find out whether we had each other's back. Then, and only then, when we knew we wanted to be together and were safe with each other, we were ready to weave in the kids. After that, after a year, it was magic. And now, after the slowest start to a relationship I have ever had, we are a family.

    Signed, Anonymous Lurker

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    1. Anonymous Lurker, oh wise one. Thank you, these things I will take with me into my relationship future, truly grateful xx

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Thank you for sharing.

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